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Trying out my new toothbrush..

Most exiting thing I’ve done today.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

2 years

+
2 years of repentance
2 years of abstinence
2 years of intellectual reflection
2 years of well being
2 years of soul striving
2 years clean.
and ongoing…
-
2 years of depression
2 years of solitary confinement
2 years of regret
2 years of self loathing
2 years lack of motivation
2 years hopeless.
and ongoing

Monday, November 7, 2011
"

Don’t worry if you have problems! Which is easy to say until you are in the midst of a really big one, I know. But the only people I am aware of who don’t have troubles are gathered in little neighborhoods. Most communities have at least one. We call them cemeteries. If you’re breathing, you have difficulties. It’s the way of life. And believe it or not, most of your problems may actually be good for you!

Let me explain. Maybe you have seen the Great Barrier Reef, stretching some 1,800 miles from New Guinea to Australia. Tour guides regularly take visitors to view the reef. On one tour, the guide was asked an interesting question. “I notice that the lagoon side of the reef looks pale and lifeless, while the ocean side is vibrant and colorful,” a traveler observed. “Why is this?” The guide gave an interesting answer: “The coral around the lagoon side is in still water, with no challenge for its survival. It dies early. The coral on the ocean side is constantly being tested by wind, waves, storms & surges of power. It has to fight for survival every day of its life. As it is challenged and tested it changes and adapts. It grows healthy. It grows strong. And it reproduces.” Then he added this telling note: “That’s the way it is with every living organism.”

That’s how it is with people. Challenged and tested, we come alive! Like coral pounded by the sea, we grow. Physical demands can cause us to grow stronger. Mental and emotional stress can produce tough-mindedness and resiliency. Spiritual testing can produce strength of character and faithfulness.”

"
 The Ying & Yang of Life  

The most destructive habit…….Worry

The greatest joy………Giving

The saddest loss……….Self-respect

The most satisfying work…………Helping others

The ugliest personality trait………..Selfishness

The most endangered species………….Dedicated leaders

The least tapped natural resource………………The Human Mind

The greatest “pick me up”……………… Encouragement

The greatest fear to overcome……….Fear itself

The most effective sleeping pill……………Peace of mind

The most self degenerating disease………Excuses

The most powerful force in life…………Love

The most dangerous individual…………..A gossiper

The world’s most incredible computer…………..The brain

The worst thing to be without………………Hope

The sharpest organ in our body………….The tongue

The two most power-filled words…………”I Can”

The greatest respect we bestow upon God ..……Faith

The most worthless emotion…………..Self-pity

The most beautiful attire………….A smile!

The most prized possession…………….Integrity

The most powerful channel of communication…………Prayer

The most contagious spirit………….Enthusiasm

The most expandable room in our living space……..….The room for improvement

The Ying & Yang of Life  

The most destructive habit…….Worry

The greatest joy………Giving

The saddest loss……….Self-respect

The most satisfying work…………Helping others

The ugliest personality trait………..Selfishness

The most endangered species………….Dedicated leaders

The least tapped natural resource………………The Human Mind

The greatest “pick me up”……………… Encouragement

The greatest fear to overcome……….Fear itself

The most effective sleeping pill……………Peace of mind

The most self degenerating disease………Excuses

The most powerful force in life…………Love

The most dangerous individual…………..A gossiper

The world’s most incredible computer…………..The brain

The worst thing to be without………………Hope

The sharpest organ in our body………….The tongue

The two most power-filled words…………”I Can”

The greatest respect we bestow upon God ..……Faith

The most worthless emotion…………..Self-pity

The most beautiful attire………….A smile!

The most prized possession…………….Integrity

The most powerful channel of communication…………Prayer

The most contagious spirit………….Enthusiasm

The most expandable room in our living space……..….The room for improvement

Sunday, October 16, 2011
True story; The girl in the window 

 Click photo to read the rest of this

“PLANT CITY — The family had lived in the rundown rental house for almost three years when someone first saw a child’s face in the window.

A little girl, pale, with dark eyes, lifted a dirty blanket above the broken glass and peered out, one neighbor remembered.

Everyone knew a woman lived in the house with her boyfriend and two adult sons. But they had never seen a child there, had never noticed anyone playing in the overgrown yard.

The girl looked young, 5 or 6, and thin. Too thin. Her cheeks seemed sunken; her eyes were lost.

The child stared into the square of sunlight, then slipped away.

Months went by. The face never reappeared.

Just before noon on July 13, 2005, a Plant City police car pulled up outside that shattered window. Two officers went into the house — and one stumbled back out.

Clutching his stomach, the rookie retched in the weeds.

Plant City Detective Mark Holste had been on the force for 18 years when he and his young partner were sent to the house on Old Sydney Road to stand by during a child abuse investigation. Someone had finally called the police.

They found a car parked outside. The driver’s door was open and a woman was slumped over in her seat, sobbing. She was an investigator for the Florida Department of Children and Families.

“Unbelievable,” she told Holste. “The worst I’ve ever seen.”

The police officers walked through the front door, into a cramped living room.

“I’ve been in rooms with bodies rotting there for a week and it never stunk that bad,” Holste said later. “There’s just no way to describe it. Urine and feces — dog, cat and human excrement — smeared on the walls, mashed into the carpet. Everything dank and rotting.”

Tattered curtains, yellow with cigarette smoke, dangling from bent metal rods. Cardboard and old comforters stuffed into broken, grimy windows. Trash blanketing the stained couch, the sticky counters.

The floor, walls, even the ceiling seemed to sway beneath legions of scuttling roaches.

“It sounded like you were walking on eggshells. You couldn’t take a step without crunching German cockroaches,” the detective said. “They were in the lights, in the furniture. Even inside the freezer. The freezer!”

While Holste looked around, a stout woman in a faded housecoat demanded to know what was going on. Yes, she lived there. Yes, those were her two sons in the living room. Her daughter? Well, yes, she had a daughter …

The detective strode past her, down a narrow hall. He turned the handle on a door, which opened into a space the size of a walk-in closet. He squinted in the dark.

At his feet, something stirred.

• • •

First he saw the girl’s eyes: dark and wide, unfocused, unblinking. She wasn’t looking at him so much as through him.

She lay on a torn, moldy mattress on the floor. She was curled on her side, long legs tucked into her emaciated chest. Her ribs and collarbone jutted out; one skinny arm was slung over her face; her black hair was matted, crawling with lice. Insect bites, rashes and sores pocked her skin. Though she looked old enough to be in school, she was naked — except for a swollen diaper.

“The pile of dirty diapers in that room must have been 4 feet high,” the detective said. “The glass in the window had been broken, and that child was just lying there, surrounded by her own excrement and bugs.”

When he bent to lift her, she yelped like a lamb. “It felt like I was picking up a baby,” Holste said. “I put her over my shoulder, and that diaper started leaking down my leg.”

The girl didn’t struggle. Holste asked, What’s your name, honey? The girl didn’t seem to hear.

He searched for clothes to dress her, but found only balled-up laundry, flecked with feces. He looked for a toy, a doll, a stuffed animal. “But the only ones I found were covered in maggots and roaches.”

Choking back rage, he approached the mother. How could you let this happen?

“The mother’s statement was: ‘I’m doing the best I can,’ ” the detective said. “I told her, ‘The best you can sucks!’ “

He wanted to arrest the woman right then, but when he called his boss he was told to let DCF do its own investigation.

So the detective carried the girl down the dim hall, past her brothers, past her mother in the doorway, who was shrieking, “Don’t take my baby!” He buckled the child into the state investigator’s car. The investigator agreed: They had to get the girl out of there.

“Radio ahead to Tampa General,” the detective remembers telling his partner. “If this child doesn’t get to a hospital, she’s not going to make it.”

• • •

Her name, her mother had said, was Danielle. She was almost 7 years old.”

True story; The girl in the window

Click photo to read the rest of this

“PLANT CITY — The family had lived in the rundown rental house for almost three years when someone first saw a child’s face in the window.

A little girl, pale, with dark eyes, lifted a dirty blanket above the broken glass and peered out, one neighbor remembered.

Everyone knew a woman lived in the house with her boyfriend and two adult sons. But they had never seen a child there, had never noticed anyone playing in the overgrown yard.

The girl looked young, 5 or 6, and thin. Too thin. Her cheeks seemed sunken; her eyes were lost.

The child stared into the square of sunlight, then slipped away.

Months went by. The face never reappeared.

Just before noon on July 13, 2005, a Plant City police car pulled up outside that shattered window. Two officers went into the house — and one stumbled back out.

Clutching his stomach, the rookie retched in the weeds.

Plant City Detective Mark Holste had been on the force for 18 years when he and his young partner were sent to the house on Old Sydney Road to stand by during a child abuse investigation. Someone had finally called the police.

They found a car parked outside. The driver’s door was open and a woman was slumped over in her seat, sobbing. She was an investigator for the Florida Department of Children and Families.

“Unbelievable,” she told Holste. “The worst I’ve ever seen.”

The police officers walked through the front door, into a cramped living room.

“I’ve been in rooms with bodies rotting there for a week and it never stunk that bad,” Holste said later. “There’s just no way to describe it. Urine and feces — dog, cat and human excrement — smeared on the walls, mashed into the carpet. Everything dank and rotting.”

Tattered curtains, yellow with cigarette smoke, dangling from bent metal rods. Cardboard and old comforters stuffed into broken, grimy windows. Trash blanketing the stained couch, the sticky counters.

The floor, walls, even the ceiling seemed to sway beneath legions of scuttling roaches.

“It sounded like you were walking on eggshells. You couldn’t take a step without crunching German cockroaches,” the detective said. “They were in the lights, in the furniture. Even inside the freezer. The freezer!”

While Holste looked around, a stout woman in a faded housecoat demanded to know what was going on. Yes, she lived there. Yes, those were her two sons in the living room. Her daughter? Well, yes, she had a daughter …

The detective strode past her, down a narrow hall. He turned the handle on a door, which opened into a space the size of a walk-in closet. He squinted in the dark.

At his feet, something stirred.

• • •

First he saw the girl’s eyes: dark and wide, unfocused, unblinking. She wasn’t looking at him so much as through him.

She lay on a torn, moldy mattress on the floor. She was curled on her side, long legs tucked into her emaciated chest. Her ribs and collarbone jutted out; one skinny arm was slung over her face; her black hair was matted, crawling with lice. Insect bites, rashes and sores pocked her skin. Though she looked old enough to be in school, she was naked — except for a swollen diaper.

“The pile of dirty diapers in that room must have been 4 feet high,” the detective said. “The glass in the window had been broken, and that child was just lying there, surrounded by her own excrement and bugs.”

When he bent to lift her, she yelped like a lamb. “It felt like I was picking up a baby,” Holste said. “I put her over my shoulder, and that diaper started leaking down my leg.”

The girl didn’t struggle. Holste asked, What’s your name, honey? The girl didn’t seem to hear.

He searched for clothes to dress her, but found only balled-up laundry, flecked with feces. He looked for a toy, a doll, a stuffed animal. “But the only ones I found were covered in maggots and roaches.”

Choking back rage, he approached the mother. How could you let this happen?

“The mother’s statement was: ‘I’m doing the best I can,’ ” the detective said. “I told her, ‘The best you can sucks!’ “

He wanted to arrest the woman right then, but when he called his boss he was told to let DCF do its own investigation.

So the detective carried the girl down the dim hall, past her brothers, past her mother in the doorway, who was shrieking, “Don’t take my baby!” He buckled the child into the state investigator’s car. The investigator agreed: They had to get the girl out of there.

“Radio ahead to Tampa General,” the detective remembers telling his partner. “If this child doesn’t get to a hospital, she’s not going to make it.”

• • •

Her name, her mother had said, was Danielle. She was almost 7 years old.”

Tuesday, October 11, 2011
"

I asked for Strength… and God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom… and God gave me Problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity… and God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage… and God gave me Danger to overcome.

I asked for Love… and God gave me Troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors… and God gave me Opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted … I received everything I needed!

"
Monday, October 10, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
"When new beautiful thoughts began to push out the old hideous ones, life began to come back"
The secret garden
Friday, October 7, 2011
"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it."
Mother Teresa
Wednesday, October 5, 2011

thoughts..

1.) I’d love to do as Leonardo da vinci did, and buy caged birds just to set them free.
2.) Is music really haram? I keep disputing this…it really is a big weakness for me. Not sex, not drugs, not alcohol but MUSIC. nevertheless, I have the upmost respect for people if they’ve quit music..mash’Allah that’s true dedication.
3.) circumstantial assumptions- people going through things, that can alter how they are at different points in their life. People say I’ve changed but really I’m still the same girl I’ve always been. It’s just that people need to take the time to break through the exterior to get to it these days

Monday, October 3, 2011
"The way you see yourself will determine how people see you
Changes happen when we go against everything we’re used to doing
Go for the impossible. I always tried to find my own limits. So far I did not find them, so my universe is in constant expansion
When you say “yes” to others, make sure you are not saying “no” to yourself
You deserve all the good things that happen to you. Don’t feel guilty and accept the blessings
Haters are confused admirers who can’t understand why everybody loves you
No one else is in charge of your happiness. You are.
Timidity puts obstacles in your path, boldness eliminates them
The beauty of truth: whether it is bad or good, it is liberating.
Make peace with your past so it won’t destroy your present
“Someday”, “may be” and “if” are very dangerous words that must be avoided"
Paulo Coelho
"No one will manufacture a lock without a key. Similary God won’t give problems without solutions"
 
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